I talked to my mom last night... and I feel a lot better now.
First off, just knowing that I made it through a ridiculously awful day is uplifting. If I could make it through yesterday, I can make it through any one day that this situation is going to cause.
Second, my mom told me that God promised her that I would be better by Easter. Easter is on March 23 this year. Ironically, Lent just started. Some people give up chocolate for Lent... looks like I'm giving up happiness. Although I knew that I would start feeling better eventually, having a time frame in which that is going to happen takes a huge burden off of me. I'm no longer staring blankly into a void wondering how long I'll have to wander through the darkness before I reach the end. There's something that I can work towards, a visible goal.
I'm still sad. I'm sure I haven't cried for the last time. I still like him... a lot. And I still feel sad when I think that this will be just a blip in the radar of my life because that means that he himself will just be a blip in my life and I'll just be a blip in his, worthy of no more than a sentence or two story to my possible future kids when they ask about my first boyfriend.
But I know that I'll be better. And I know that as hard as things are right now, it's worth it. I know I made the rightd decision.
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i'm very proud of you. you made the right decision. i know you know that, but i'm affirming it verbally for you. (well, not technically verbally i guess, but you get the point.) can i just point out, though, how wonderfully tragically romantic you are! I knew that KT was in there! The whole idea of "not being worth more than a couple sentences" in the future was poetry in prose!!
in all seriousness, i'm really proud of you. most girls wouldn't have the guts to do what you did. i mean that too. i've seen it.
i'm mailing you your poem with comments. i really really liked it.
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