Welcoming in the New Year!

Well, it's a new year, and before I look into the future (my views of which will inevitably be wrong), I'm going to look into the past year a little bit.

If you had told me my future last year this time, I never would have believed you that...

1. A year later I would have a boyfriend of eight months. In fact, I'm still not sure I believe this myself.

2. I would get a stress fracture to interrupt that track season and mono to interrupt this one (well... actually... knowing my luck I might have taken your word on this topic).

3. I would spend the next summer dealing with an algae-infested pool with dead rats in it.

4. Laura would start hurdling and completely own my times after a few weeks.

5. Within the year, I would become surrounded by my friends' tangled web of drama.

6. Jordan and I would stop hating each other (or rather, that our "friend/enemy" relationship would start focusing more on the friend aspect).

7. I would actually have the guts to share my creative writing with an entire class of peers.

8. I would actually enjoy Core 250.

So how have I changed over the year? It's a little hard to just pinpoint it... I think I've learned a lot about dealing with stressful situations in a manner that helps solve them. I've learned that sometimes just making it through isn't enough. I have to consciously make an effort to improve things; I can't just hide from my problems.

I learned I'm a lot more like my older sister than I thought. We're not polar opposites.

I've learned I have a fear of rejection.

I've continued to confirm what I've suspected and feared for awhile-- I'm growing calloused to the pain of others because I don't want to feel it. But also, I know that I still possess empathy because I've felt pain for others even when I don't want to.

I've learned I'm really quite easy-going when it comes to getting along with other people.

I've learned I'm obsessive about schoolwork.

I realized that I've lost my passion for life.

I've learned that it's harder for me to follow God in the good times than in the bad times when I really have to lean on him for my very survival.

So, New Year's Resolutions? Well, knowing full well I can't keep any of them, I'll come up with a few.

1. Write more. Plan out a novel, or write one, or start with short stories.
2. Find a passion. Whether it be rediscovering one or finding something different, get excited about something.
3. Deal with my insecurity. If I'm not 100% confident a relationship is right, why should I get hurt when the other party isn't sure either?
4. Chillax. I gave myself mono this semester, and I don't want to get in this situation again.
5. Be more serious about my devotions and relationship with God.

In general, then, I guess I want to stop being lame. It won't happen, but with any luck, I will get at least slightly less lame. And life's a journey... if I was rid of all my problems, it'd be over and there'd be nothing left for which I could strive.