I wonder.

How can I fully know that a certain decision is what is best for me and still feel miserable?

Why do I feel things so deeply? Will I ever even be able to function in the world when everything hurts so much?

I kind of thought it would get easier. Now I'm scared that it will be just as hard.

I just want to know. It's going to be a miserable two days.

I hate that this is affecting me so much. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel out of control.

On Sunday in church we sang my favorite song. I'm not usually one for posting lyrics, but this hymn is just a beautiful promise. I'll type out the second verse because it's my favorite.

Many times Satan whispered,
"There is no need to try,
For there's no end to sorrow,
There's no hope by and by."
But I know thou art with me
And tomorrow I'll rise
Where the storm never darkens the sky.

Till the storm passes over,
Till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky.
Hold me fast, let me stand
In the hollow of thy hand,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.



It's nice to know that no matter how much things suck, they will get better and that until then God himself is protecting us.