Love conquers all...

So you two who read this blog know the background to this already. No point in explaining it again...

I have always been a huge believer in the concept that sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes people can truly love each other, but internal issues or external circumstances can pull them apart regardless. Now I'm not so sure. After this weekend and all the tears I've cried and all the heart-wrenching agony and decision-making... I was sitting next to Brian at the airport, looking at him, feeling scared for the next month but confident in us, and I suddenly realized fully that we love each other. We freaking love each other! And that means that we put the other person's happiness above our own. It means we trust each other to the ends of the earth. It means we'd go through a heck of a lot for the other person. And if that's true... if the feeling and trust and sacrifice is mutual, how could we not last through anything as long as we fight for it?

I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do. Well, actually, I am. I'm going to seek God's will and pray and focus on him through this. I'm going to use this time to learn independence... emotional independence from anyone- parents, boyfriend, etc. I'm going to lean on God and myself instead of other people. And whatever the outcome, I'm going to get through this.

God promised me once that I was going to be happy. Not all the time, of course, and it's not like he promised me an easy life. But he promised me contentment and joy. I don't know... is it possible that God gives us decisions in our lives where there isn't a right answer? Where either choice we make will lead to our eventual good, just by a different path? And could those decisions be something as potentially huge as whether or not to break up with a boyfriend?

But I'm rambling now. It's hard not to when I've got so many thoughts swirling around of which I am trying to make sense. I guess, in conclusion, I think I may have underestimated the power of love. I guess time will tell, really. Time will tell. Overall, I feel at peace that things will, in the very long run, turn out well for Brian and I, together or separately.

But for now, I'm still so scared.