I am the worst person.

During Core 250, we talked about Jean-Paul Sartre. We had to write ourselves a letter from him stating his opinion on our career choice. Basically, Sartre focuses on the concept of human choice and how often humans give away that choice by letting society define them. Instead of making authentic decisions, he says, humans will simply make decisions that society views as safe, good, acceptable, etc. as a way to keep from having to take responsibility of our actions.

Basically, Sartre told me that I was being unauthentic and letting society define me by giving up on my former career choice of being a writer. (What can I say? I realized I was in no way good enough AT ALL...) He told me that I am choosing contentment over creativity and am not reaching outside of myself to make myself as good as I can be.

And the thing is, he's right. He's so right that it's almost painful to think about. I'm scared, I don't want to be the only one responsible for my success/failure so I'm lying to myself and giving away my God-given freedom (of course, he was an atheist, so he wouldn't agree with that) to society. And the really sad thing... the thing I most wish was untrue but cannot deny... is that I honestly don't care. I would rather give up my freedom than face the nausea of acknowledging its existence.

What's worse... a person who does not see the truth or a person who sees the truth and actively makes the decision to forget it again? I'm pretty sure that answer is obvious.